The letter was dated Dec. 11, 2003, but it came home in my daughter's backpack after the holiday break. It simply stated how my child fared on a test given earlier this school year to identify second-graders for the San Diego City Schools Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) program. If the child receives a high score, they are eligible to participate in GATE classes as a third-grader. Children scoring even higher than what is considered at GATE level qualify for another program, called Seminar.

For many parents, the score is a make-or-break moment in their child's academic career. For me, the test, called the Raven Progressive Matrices, is merely a snapshot of my child's intelligence, not an album of their strengths and weaknesses. The GATE test, developed in 1935 by an Englishman John Raven, is a non-reading test geared to access the general mental ability of all children, regardless of race. My children don't know the meaning of GATE or Seminar, and I want to keep it that way. And no, it's not sour grapes. My family vineyard is plentiful - thank you very much.

The week the GATE letters came home safely tucked in backpacks, I heard that some mothers were scurrying about the campus, asking each other's scores and sizing up the competition. Thankfully, I haven't been asked that question yet, but I am prepared to answer, "Why do you want to know?" I wouldn't ask a parent how much they weigh or if their marriage is hot and spicy, so why would my child's test score pique their interest?

Our children do not march around Clairemont with their GATE scores clearly stamped on their foreheads. If they did, would this satiate the maternal muckraking? If boastful parents want something to talk about, how about the percentile of politeness found in their children? Forget about the GATE test. I've created the CAPE test. The catchy acronym stands for Compassion and Politeness Education. Grab a pen and go:

1. Your child is a guest at a birthday party and the pinata just erupted. Hoards of children are making a mad dash for the Tootsie Rolls and other treats and stashing them in their goodie bags. Your child:
a. Fills their bag to the brim and then asks the host for another bag.
b. Has plenty of candy in their bag already, but pushes a pint-sized guest out of their way to get the "good" stuff.
c. Sees a younger child crying and stops to help them gather some treats.

2. Bigger kids, including yours, are happily pouncing in the ball pit at McDonalds. A toddler wants to join in. Does your child:
a. Continue the rough play, feeling the younger child just has to deal.
b. Belly flop into the balls, really spooking the toddler.
c. Tones down the antics and alerts friends that a smaller child has entered.

3. It's lunchtime at school and your child sees a classmate sitting alone at the cafeteria table. Making eye contact with the kid, your child:
a. Walks past the silent classmate, heading toward the rowdier group.
b. Stalls near the lunch table, waiting for another friend to show up.
c. Smiles at the lone eater and sits down to join them.

If you scored all Cs, congratulations! Your child has aced the CAPE test. But you didn't need a number to know what a caring individual your child is. Now that is something to brag about!